Be nice to the Urologist
Well if you can’t be good, be consistent. The results of the second test came back and the only difference is the date the test was taken. I was referred to a urologist to see if they can find out what the problem is.
The wife and I are sitting in the waiting room at the Urologist’s office and this one seems to collect antique urology tools. Lots of long rods with strange ends on them. I would swear these were torture devices if I saw them anyplace else. We go in to meet the doctor and he is a really nice guy. Has 3 boys that he is proud to show pictures of around the office. As I beat down the flame of jealous rage that flares up because clearly his equipment works just fine…he explains the possible causes and orders a blood test, a testicular ultrasound and another semen analysis. He thinks I took the second one too quickly after the first and wants me to wait 3 weeks before taking the next one. Folding chair in the bathroom, here I come sweetheart.
Then with my wife right there he wants to examine me. Guy dilemma moment. Do you admit you are more comfortable if the wife left the room, or do you MAN UP and say “don’t bother me, she can stay.” I chicken out and ended up sitting in a room with my wife while another man handles my junk. I know he is a doctor, but it is still just weird. As expected, he asks me to turn my head and cough. Then he proceeds to gently squeeze and massage the testicles with his thumb and forefinger. It is the most vulnerable position I’ve ever been in. I would have quickly been in a world of hurt if the Doctor had any malice intentions. To take my mind off the fact my wife was watching another man handle my equipment, who could easily make my eyeballs pop out of my head at any moment, then reach for one of his long rods…I considered who would make the perfect Urologist. For me it would have to be a plain-looking female. She couldn’t be hot enough to cause any embarrassing reactions, yet it would still have a natural feeling of a woman handling them and not some guy I just met. Luckily after a few seconds he let go declaring everything “felt” normal. I’ll just have to take his word on that as mine are the only ones I’ve ever felt.
You can only imaging my relief when he pushed his chair back saying “That’s done.” Thank God that is over. “Now turn around for a prostate exam.” Slowly I turn around to face my wife. Bent over, staring into my wife’s eyes, feeling the wash of red flow over my face…I was forced to reconsider my earlier assertion as to the most vulnerable position ever being in.
Thankfully the doctor had no malice in him and there is hope whatever is wrong with me can be fixed.