The flavor injector

Here is my IVF guide for any male who is giving a loved one an IM (intramuscular) injection at home.

First of all, get the nurse to outline the target area with permanent marker. Then remark the area every night before bedtime. This takes the guesswork of the proper location out of your hands and allows you to place all the blame on the nurse. Normally I’m the type that will accept responsibility, but in this case it is all about redirecting blame. Not if, but when you have a bad night, you are going to have to do this again the next night. You don’t want the feeling of guilt clouding your mind.

Follow the instructions for mixing the shot, then replace the needle on the syringe with the sterile needle you will be using to inject your wife. Now make sure she isn’t tensing up. If she is tense, it will hurt. Make her face the wall and avoid mirrors and shadows. Seeing what you are about to do next will just make her tense up, it’s your job to not let her see. Wipe the target with the alcohol pad, then remove the air out of the needle so there is a bead of medicine at the tip. Now comes the hard part.

You know how she thinks you are cold-hearted when you are really just feeling indifferent about something. Well figure out where that dial is within yourself and crank it to 11. For the next 20 seconds that thing in front of you is no longer your wife. It is a slab of meat. A turkey in desperate need of flavor injecting before you toss it in the oven. With confidence, slide the needle ALL the way into the turkey. Pull on the plunger a little bit and if you see blood, pull the needle out about 2 millimeters, no more. The deeper the needle the better. You don’t want that flavoring to come back out of the turkey. Now start slowly pushing on the plunger as you begin counting seconds. You want to finish between 5 and 10 seconds. The closer to 10 the better, but not longer than 10 or the spell will wear off and the turkey will turn back into your wife. (Edit: The progesterone in oil is very thick and is better to go really slow. Just takes more willpower to keep up the turkey illusion.) Now once all the medication flavoring has been inserted, count for 5 more seconds to make sure all the flavor stays in. Then confidently remove the needle and put the cap back on.

Now it is safe to be concerned about your wife.

————————————————————————————————–

(Edit: I’ll be modifying this section as I learn new techniques.)

I poke the tip of the needle in the skin slowly, then quickly slide it the rest of the way in. Some prefer just darting the needle all the way in. I have horrible aim, so the poke/slide method works well for me and the needle goes exactly where I want it to go. But she’s the one receiving the injection, go with the method she prefers. 

Once you start, DO NOT STOP. Stopping will just make things worse. Just keep thinking how good that turkey will taste when it’s done.

Do not scold your wife for flinching. I was informed this doesn’t help.

Do not ask her if she is ready, this just causes her to know when to tense up.

When you are giving daily injections for several days, you will be alternating from one side to the other. Try to stay 1 cm away from the spot you used 2 nights ago.

Once in a while you are going to come across a needle that isn’t as sharp as it should be. How can you tell if you have a good needle? You can’t. Not without compromising its sterility. She will complain that the shot hurt, when it was performed the same way the night before and it didn’t hurt. This happens and just remind yourself that it is not your fault. (If you are using the poke/slide technique you have a chance of avoiding this issue. As you slowly poke the tip into the skin she will let you know it hurts before you’ve punctured the skin. You can then swap the dull needle out for another one that should be sharp and try again. If you are using the dart method..well it’s the needles fault it hurt!)

Out of the 7 shots so far, only one hurt because of a dull needle. Two had a slight burning sensation because I was being a chicken and didn’t have the needle in all the way. The rest didn’t bother her. Follow this recipe and you should get through this process with minimal discomfort.

For more tips from the female’s perspective, check out infertilitydoessuck’s post PIO injection tips.

© copyright 2011-2012

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About ivfmale

Just a guy dealing with infertility.

Posted on August 23, 2012, in IVF progression and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Thank you! I’ll be sharing this with the Professor!

    • My pleasure. It’s like giving a semen sample. He just has to trick his head into thinking he is doing something else. If he has any other questions, my door is open. 🙂

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