Focus on what is in your control

I think I give great advice. Others may disagree. I do know for a fact I am great at not following my own advice, and always end up kicking myself afterward. So here is some advice I think I should be following and struggling with.

Separate what is in your control from what is not in your control.

While going through the IVF process, many worries will start planting themselves in your thoughts. Why did this happen to us? Will I have enough sperm on the day it’s needed? Will we harvest enough eggs from my wife’s ovaries? How many of those eggs will turn into embryos? Will we have enough embryos to store for a frozen cycle? Will the embryos attach? What if she miscarries?

These are all worries that are completely out of your control. It’s as pointless as worrying about rain on a special day. Nothing you say or do will make it rain or not make it rain. For some reason the mind gravitates to these types of worries. However, if you are worried it might rain on a special day, you can schedule it during a month that statistically has little rainfall. Or you can make alternate indoor plans if the date of the special day can’t be changed.

Similarly there are aspects to this IVF process that are in your control. You can control mixing the medication properly. Following your doctors instructions. Making sure you perform the injections the same time every day. Staying on top of your medication so you don’t run out. Your reaction when you are accused of walking too loudly. These are all aspects of the process you can control and should be the focus of your attention. These are the only parts of the process where you can be a success or failure at.

At the very root of all this is the question, “If you can afford IVF, are you willing to make the attempt for a family?” Answering “no” is the only way you fail. If you answer yes, make each part of the process in your control a success. A negative result can not change that.

I have no control over the results. My doctor’s job is to worry about how many follicles are growing. My job is to make the odds as high as possible for good results to occur. If in the end we don’t have a child, I will be sad about not having a family. But I am not going to feel like a failure.

© copyright 2011-2012


About ivfmale

Just a guy dealing with infertility.

Posted on August 26, 2012, in IVF progression and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. infertilitydoessuck

    I wish I could follow this advice 😦

    • Definitely easier said than done. This is my response to everyone being told to RELAX. It’s easy to say relax, but no one tells you how. Sitting in a dark room listening to soft music doesn’t help when your mind is racing on topics that are worrying you. This is my view on how to reduce stress to avoid the negative issues stress can cause. Focusing on what is in your control will reduce stress, focusing on what is out of your control will increase stress.

      I know it’s hard, and I’m struggling with it too. I still think it’s better than just being told to relax.

      I hope this cycle works for you. Just try to keep in mind that if it doesn’t and the FET is postponed, the doctors now have more data and have a chance of putting together a better solution next cycle.

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