Dear Ivfmale, Semen Meringue?

It’s Wednesday and time for Dear Ivfmale. Several interesting searches this week so let’s see what we have…

— kids playing “sex doctor” with each other

Go to your favorite search engine and type in “help with pedophile thoughts” and call the first doctor on this list in your area. Seriously, get some help.

—hcg doesn’t work for sperm now what

I’m glad you asked. First you get to pay off the inflated price of all those HCG drugs thanks to those folks using it to lose weight. Next depending on how low your count is the doctors may try collecting several samples to combine into a super sample inserted into your wife using an IUI procedure. Otherwise they are probably going to recommend IVF with the ICSI procedure if your count is as low as mine. Personally I would go for the IVF first and go for the cheaper options later when the bank account forces that on you. I would hate for my best option to be out of my price range when I would have been able to afford it several attempts prior. Unless insurance will help cover those other procedures then by all means go for those IUI’s or Natural IVF’s then.

—english woman &man how love each

This one broke my heart a little. It was on a slow day and this popped up on my report the same time I saw someone from Pakistan had viewed my blog. I believe love is a universal human emotion that transcends class, race and culture. It’s a word with many facets covering all the different forms of love. If you want a truly english perspective of love, watch the movie “Love Actually” if it is available to you. If you are looking for a better relationship with your husband, try searching for “How english women manipulate men.” Trick your husband into treating you better may allow for more communication between the two of you. From there you can work on building a loving relationship. Throughout history there have been many powerful women in male dominated societies. That power starts with learning how to manipulate men without them knowing it, so I would recommend starting there.

—meringue from semen

I know meringue with egg whites is formed by whipping air into the protein molecules of the egg whites. As you whip the whites the protein molecules lock together trapping the air inside forming the meringue. Adding sugar will add strength to these bonds preventing it from falling flat. Now fats have the opposite effect on these bonds allowing the air to escape. Which is why breaking a yolk into the egg whites makes it near impossible to get a nice fluffy meringue. I do know the spermatozoa contains fat it uses for energy needed for the journey to the egg. So if you are having problems with making meringue from semen you might try finding someone with a very low sperm count. What…you’re inviting me to dinner? Thanks but I couldn’t…pie for dessert you say. Sounds delicious but really no thanks. I just started my diet 2 minutes ago. I’m so sorry.

—why is my bladder in sync with bathroom cleaning schedule

Alright fine. This wasn’t on my search engine report. But I sure would like to know why every day the urge calls and I walk over to a bathroom closed for cleaning.

© copyright 2011-2012

About ivfmale

Just a guy dealing with infertility.

Posted on September 19, 2012, in Dear Ivfmale and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. I think the sex doctor thing might be someone trying to see how common it is for their kids to be playing sex doctor with each other? I didn’t get a pedophilia vibe from it, and I should know, I watch tons of Law and Order SVU.
    The meringue one is quite hilarious and equally gross. I’m sure they could sell that cookbook though.

    • At first I was ready to give the person the benefit of the doubt, but they clicked on the titillating post title “Sex, doctor style” so I’m not so sure it’s innocent. Besides, someone without kids giving advice to someone who has kids is like a fertile giving advice to an infertile.

      I couldn’t believe it when the meringue one popped up on my report. Surprising what some people will search for.

      • How do you get that report? Is it the box on your stats page that says “Search Engine Terms”? Or do you do something extra? I think it would be hilarious if I could even get one like the interesting ones you have.
        And yea, you might be right about the pervy post. I wonder if he/she liked the picture of your special chair… 😉

    • Yes. It’s just easier to call it a report.

      You have to set up the webmaster tools.
      Dashboard -> Tools

      Go to the following link and follow the instructions to verify your website. Google, Bing or both.

      After a couple of days you will start seeing what people are searching for when they find your page under your STATS.

      • Wow, I just checked the list on my stats page and apparently I got a hit for someone searching for “are ivf babies uglier.”…. That’s nice. I hope they read my post about not believing in ugly babies and felt bad. 🙂
        Thanks for the help!

      • I think the verify process just puts you higher in the list during a search. So you will get more traffic.

  2. These are too funny!!! Mine are boring
    is 6.6 lining too thin for ivf success
    can a thin lining get thicker 5 days prior to transfer with addition of pro

    • I think how I title my posts is driving this. It’s my twisted sense of humor. I just like creating post titles that fit with what I’m trying to say, but could be taken the wrong way if you just looked at the title. Like “Bang your head” and “Sex, Doctor Style”, if you are thinking dirty they take on a different meaning.

      I think it’s funny how they click on my link in the list thinking it’s something other than what the post actually is about. Dear Ivfmale is my way of sharing it.

    • 😆 Think of it like a book title. It needs to be relevant and at the same time grab your attention. The post title is the first thing a person will see during a search and likely the reason they click on you link or pass over it. That’s my philosophy on it anyway.

    • 😆 Looking forward to it.

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