It’s not easy being green

Green with IVF

By Matthew Wanner

Green is the money spent on a wish,
for a child to call our own.
Purple are the bruises on my wife’s back,
just inside each hipbone.
White are my knuckles as I readied each shot,
frightened I am causing her pain.
Red is the love I feel for my wife,
for a resolve that never did wane.

Green are my wife’s beautiful eyes,
I once hoped a child would share.
Brown would be fine, just like mine,
eye color I no longer did care.
Yellow is the road of our hopes and dreams,
wondering what it’s gender might be.
Blue are the tears, hopes replaced by fears,
for a child we never would see.

Green I am with envy,
watching coworkers ask off to give birth.
Black is my shame for feeling that way,
tying fertility to my own self-worth.
Orange will be tomorrow’s sky at dawn,
certain the sun will rise.
What color comes next is anyones guess,
waiting on life’s next surprise.

This weeks challenge is to add a splash of color to your blog.

© copyright 2011-2012

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About ivfmale

Just a guy dealing with infertility.

Posted on October 15, 2012, in Poetry, Purgatory and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 20 Comments.

  1. Lovely, Matthew. I understand the color black so well right now.

  2. brought tears to my eyes really good poem

  3. This leaves me with chills and tears. I am sharing this with my husband tonight. This sums it up so very well.

    You are a gift to all of us – for being so in touch with your feelings and sharing them so eloquently. I am so glad I stumbled upon you. As I’ve said in the past, your posts make me feel more in touch with how my husband may feel at times.

    • The challenge this week talked about using color and how they connect with emotion. Infertility runs the spectrum of emotions and fits well with color.

      This turned out much better than I thought it would when I started writing the poem. Pretty much tells the whole story with all the emotion involved.

      I’m glad you like it.

  4. Definitely left me with with chills and tears. Such a cute idea but the sentiment is anything but cute. It’s always things like this that put things into perspective. Thank you so much for sharing!! It’s very brave of you!

    • Thank you very much. I’m glad you enjoyed the poem. I was about halfway through before I saw what was happening and knew how I wanted to tie it all together.

      • You did a wonderful job, and no it’s not easy being green! I wish you all the happiness in the world.

  5. Wow. Well written. Great use of colors, yes … but an even better use of your emotion in this entry. You are talented. Don’t stop writing.

  6. A poignant and touching use of color for this challenge. I wish your family the best.

  7. Very awesome entry. The best one I’ve seen yet.

  8. Your blog is amazing and I had to go back and start reading from the start! I wish you everything you need as you work through your journey. Some of us don’t realise how difficult IVF is, particularly from an emotional perspective.
    Thanks for following my site – I hope you enjoy my posts too.

    • You have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that. One of the reasons I’m committed to being so open on this blog is so people not dealing with infertility understand how emotional this journey is. I used to be one of them. I was ignorant to the struggle facing those who’s only option for a family was IVF. For the insurance company to call IVF an elective procedure is probably one of the cruelest jokes there is. I would very much choose to have a child without IVF, but I can’t.

      I plan on reading the rest of your site this weekend. But you’re one of the reasons I had to change my site so I could follow blogs not dealing with infertility. 😉

  9. Thank you for that very much appreciated response about my comment and my blog. I am delighted that you like it so much.

  10. Just revisited this, sending the link to my good friend. As I told her, this is one of the most moving IF posts I’ve ever read. This is special, Matthew. I love this poem, as heartbreaking as it is – I love it.

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