Who NEEDS to know?

I am blessed with strong healthy teeth. They were very crooked before braces, but always healthy. I didn’t even have a cavity until I was over 30 years old. Basically the dental checkup for me is usually just an in and out procedure. There is no fear of going and I enjoy walking out with smooth polished teeth.

My wife however takes better care of her teeth than I do mine and is always having problems. My Mother is fighting to keep the few remaining teeth she has, while my Father only has a couple of cavities and still has all his teeth. I understand the importance of genetics in oral health care.

Today as I sat in the chair for my 6 month cleaning, the hygienist asks me for changes in my health history. I am sure she asked me last visit, but I wasn’t telling anyone about my infertility 6 months ago. Besides our clinic and my Wife, only my Father and Boss knew about my infertility. Now I am pretty open. All my family and close friends know my situation. Yet I still clammed up when faced with the opportunity to tell someone in person my story.

“No” was my answer and she asks if I have any children. “No.”

Now I’m dreading going to the dentist (or any specialist doctor) for reasons that have nothing to do with my teeth. I don’t see why my Dentist needs to know I’m firing blanks? Besides having two testicles and two eyes, what correlation will my Eye Doctor glean by divulging my busted family jewels? Does the sleep specialist really need to hear I’m firing missiles without a payload?

If I was currently taking some medication for the condition, sure I would tell them. They’re the experts and are more aware of what compounds have side effect relating to their specialty. But I’m not. The way I see it, my health hasn’t changed. I’ve always been this way. Sure I’ve just recently discovered it, but does my Dentist need to know?

Relieved that she avoided asking if I planned on having children, I then listen to her talk about an Elf on the Shelf that she must hide in a different place every night for her 6 year old daughter. Fuck!

Since I found out the true nature of Santa, I’ve always wanted to be a part of the magic. When I was 12 I begged my Mother to let me help set up the Santa display for my little sister. My proposal was rejected and told I could play Santa with my own kids. The irony!

Luckily the process of giving my wife injections allowed me to develop an ability to be indifferent on call. I crank that knob to 11 and ask basic questions to feign conversation. I laugh at the fact her daughter noticed twice already when the Elf didn’t change it’s location forcing them to create a cover story.  Of course the doll and clothes are overpriced, but it’s such a fun activity I would love to spend the money on something like Elf on the Shelf. Maybe expand on the concept by placing a candy cane in his hands after a day of good behavior.

The hygienist then mentions her children that are in their 30’s. Okay. Late in life oops? Pile it on bitch, you’re not getting a tear out of me today!

Nope, an unplanned adoption. They found out some little girl would spend the rest of her life in foster care and decided to adopt her.

CRAP! She is fertile and blessed with an unplanned easy adoption. Now I’m wanting to ask questions about how that came about. The idea of adoption has been growing on me, but the horror stories of people spending all that money and still ending up empty handed scares me. The roller coaster ride trying for a biological child was hard enough. Riding it again for an adoption, no thank you.

However, if there was a way to keep my eyes open for an opportunity like the hygienist had, I’m interested.

Once again my fear of looking stupid gets in my way.

I guess I could have asked about the subject without disclosing my infertility. But my fear was asking questions about her adoption would lead to talking about my infertility problem…and I already avoided telling her about this health issue. Was I supposed to conveniently forget about my infertility when she asked earlier?

I walked away feeling this dental visit was a complete disaster with smooth shiny teeth, healthy gums and no cavities.

I hate infertility!

© copyright 2011-2012

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About ivfmale

Just a guy dealing with infertility.

Posted on December 12, 2012, in Purgatory and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 16 Comments.

  1. I always wondered why they ask that on the dental forms…it doesnt matter!!! Love your posts and the pure honesty

    • Exactly! A psychiatrist needs to know. A primary doctor should know too. Any other specialty, outside of a Urologist and RE, doesn’t need to know the state of my balls.

      Thank you for the kind words.

  2. I have never heard of an unplanned adoption but hopefully one comes our way! Haha! So sick of all the Elf on the Shelf talk. It is all I hear people talking about. I wish I had a child that I could play that with.

    • I know! It sounds like a lot of fun. I’d get one for Bandit but he would just end up chewing on him. He won’t even wear the Santa hat we bought him. Hmph!

      I was too busy trying to hold it together to ask how she ended up with an “unplanned adoption.” Those were her words for it.

  3. Oh, friend. I’m so sorry for this. I HATE when I get bombarded by these questions, too. And OMG, I’m REALLY tired of the bloody Elf on the Shelf. My Facebook feed is currently littered with this stuff. Ugh.

    • Pestering me about health changes and the children question triggered this episode. Had those questions not been asked I would have been fine. Opening with them made me vulnerable the rest of the visit.

      As for Elf on the Shelf, I think it’s a fun activity for kids to look forward too each morning, and fun for the parents finding knew places to hide them. I just wish it didn’t remind me I’m missing out on playing Santa.

      I was really interested in how this adoption opportunity fell in her lap. I would have told her all about my problem had I already not committed myself to avoid the topic earlier.

  4. You know, I was open to adoption as we were trying for Matthew. My dad’s partner is an adoption attorney and he told us that the best thing to do to stumble upon a healthy baby to adopt is to just mention your interest to many people. Mention it to people who are active in their churches, mention it to attorney friends, mention it to friends with kids in high school, mention it to doctors and nurses – especially those who work in the ER. That was the advice we were given and this is how my dad’s partner finds most babies to place. This worked for a friend of ours, actually. To this day, they still say that their baby fell into their laps, and she did. Some young gal walked into the ER at a local hospital in labor and left the next day knowing that her baby was being adopted by our friends. Stranger things have happened.

    I hate that you had to listen to all of that – it’s so hard when you’re struggling with IF.

    • Like I was telling Belle, had this conversation not started with me needing to admit my infertility or not up front, I would have been fine.

      I’d gladly share my story with her on a personal level, but not a professional one. I see no need to have my infertility marked on a chart for my teeth.

      Thanks for the adoption tips. 🙂

  5. I hate those questions I’ve actually avoided the dentist this past year because of it (terrible, I know). My hair dresser (who I adore and have been going to for over 10 years) LOVES to talk about kids and when are we starting our family so I haven’t gotten my hair cut in over 6 months because I can’t deal with it. Why can’t people mind their own damn business. Grr.

    • I cope by having a few “safe” topics to push the conversation towards. We started talking about the shooting in Oregon. This led to her saying her daughter saw the news and was worried someone shot Santa, and went downhill from there. With a mouthful of sharp objects there isn’t much opportunity to change the topic at that point. I knew I was screwed.

  6. I totally feel your pain. Remind yourself how creepy Elf on the Shelf actually looks, and you’ll feel better. Dodging the subject or quickly changing the subject is always such a blast…Do you ever wonder if people catch on?

    • Changing the subject does work…when the other party isn’t holding sharp pointy objects in your mouth. I don’t think they do catch on. They are under the delusion that not having kids was a choice.

  7. I happen to work for an eye doctor, and while we update medical history on every visit, I can say with confidence that we absolutely do not need to know about your balls…unless you’re taking any new medications related to said balls. 😉

  1. Pingback: Is Santa Claus an Infertile? « IVF male

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