Category Archives: Bandit
Posts dealing with our puppy dog!
Vet Woes
There is one thing Bandit and I both agree on and that is going to the vet sucks.
Eleven days ago I took Bandit to the vet to be neutered for various reasons. I’m renting the condo we live in and don’t want him marking everywhere. He will be our dog and we have no interest in breeding him. The last thing I want if he ever did escape is for him to start fighting over females, or end up getting another dog pregnant then be expected to help take care of the puppy vet bills and find homes for them.
Still I felt guilty of robbing him of his fertility. And the sad look he gave me as they dragged him back, whining and straining to leave with me instead of them, nearly broke my heart. Several hours later he was delighted to see me. Microchip in place. A fixed hernia where his birth mother chewed the umbilical cord too close causing the hernia to form. And 2 testicles removed that finally dropped only the week before. He came out wearing the cone of shame to keep him from biting his sutures. Considering all this he was still one happy puppy to see me.
What did you bastards do to me?
We received instructions and some pain medication hoping this would be the last we saw of the vet for a while.
Houston we have a problem. The crate we were directed to buy several months ago is just big enough for Bandit to stand up and turn around. This is to simulate the comfort of a den. Bandit loves his crate. He sleeps peacefully all night long in it. But the cone won’t fit through the crate door. And even if he did get in the door, there is no way he would be able to turn around. For some reason, Bandit thinks our bed is an acceptable place to relieve his bladder, so letting him sleep with us is out of the question. Gating him in the bathroom makes him feel abandoned and he just whines and barks all night long.
Finally we figured out how to back Bandit into the crate. I’m surprised how quickly he picked this up. Now he starts backing up before I even have a chance to line his butt up with the door.
Two days later the after effects of the surgery hit and Bandit walked out of the crate that morning with his entire hind end brown. While I carefully tried to clean Bandit (since he wasn’t supposed to have a bath until two weeks after the surgery, but I figured leaving the area covered in feces would be worse than a bath), the wife cleaned the crate and then rushed Bandit to the Vet since the instructions said to bring him back if this occurred. They returned with more pills for Bandit to take. The pills worked and we went about keeping him as happy as a dog could be with a cone on his head.
Throw the ball again!
Lately he’s been begging for our help scratching his head. He’ll walk up to me then start whining and bumping his cone against me until I start scratching. (Who’s training who here?) Yesterday we figured it was time to take the cone off hoping he wouldn’t start licking his wounds. That way he could scratch his own head. It started out fine. Only a few times did we need to correct him from licking his sutures.
He’d scratch one side then the other, play some ball, lay in the corner…typical Bandit behavior. His next flea treatment is due in a couple of days, so I figured maybe he collected a couple from somewhere and a bath along with the treatment would take care of those pesky critters.
Then he kept scratching, and scratching. Soon chunks of black hair were all over the carpet. I called him over for his last outside break before bed and noticed the skin on the left side of his head was red, and there was a deep scratch over his left eyebrow that was a little swollen. Normally I can’t even see through his fur to the skin except during his bath. I checked the right side and although not nearly as bad as the left, the fur was thinner and showing some damage. To stop the guy from ripping his face off, I put the cone back on and put him to bed for the night.
This morning, his left eye was swollen halfway shut and we could both tell he was miserable. I took the morning off work and rushed him to the vet. As always Bandit steals the show. Everyone can’t get enough of Bandit’s cuteness, despite looking like he’d just woken up the morning after a bar fight.
You should see the other guy!
You’re blocking my reception.
The vet walked in sporting a nice round baby bump. I’ll admit to having a fleeting “Are you fucking kidding me!” moment, but this quickly passed and I found myself feeling indifferent. My main concern was getting Bandit better. I hate seeing him suffer like this.
Turns out he has a yeast infection in both ears causing the itching discomfort. Most likely due to the cone holding his ears against his head locking in the moisture for the yeast to grow. Plus his sutures are showing signs of an infection starting. We left the vet with ear drops, eye drops, and an antibiotic and two more appointments. They want to check his eyes again in a couple days and it will be a couple weeks before they can check if the medication helped his ears.
I sure hope my little buddy gets better soon so I can take him to the beach again!
Beach Bandit
Can we go play ball in the tennis courts?
Sorry Bandit. Tennis courts are now off limits.
GRRRR WHY?
Some control freak who likes to suck the joy out of life would rather see the tennis courts remain empty and unused than allow pets inside to play.
How about we go to the beach?
What can we do at the beach?
Let’s go and find out.
We’re here…now what?
You can play in the sand.
How do I get this crap off my nose?
You can dig holes until your heart is content.
How about I dig a hole so Mom can fall in it?
You can chase after people.
I’m coming after you!
You can enjoy the ocean view.
That’s nice.
You can play in the water.
I don’t think so!
You can collect seashells.
People actually collect these?
You can scout the babes.
The only babe I see is Mom.
You can stalk the birds.
If you unhook this leash I might be able to catch one.
So what do you think?
Alright. I’ll admit the beach is pretty fun.
Let’s go home.
That was fun, when can we go again?
We’ll go again soon, but now we must clean you up.
SON OF A…
Don’t worry, all the sand in your fur will soon be gone.
Must you photograph me in the tub?
All done buddy. Let’s get you dried off.
About time!
Glad Mom has this old hair dryer.
Are you seriously going to leave my hair looking like this?
Sorry, Mom’s the hairdresser, not I.
A *Cough, Cough* Christmas
The plan was simple: my wife, Bandit and I would travel to Mobile Alabama on Dec. 24th to spend Christmas day with our families then return home the evening of the 26th…what could possibly go wrong? The stomach problems from last week were now a thing of the past. The youngest niece is in her teens, so no little ones or pregnancies to rile the infertility demon.
The drive from our home to Mobile is about a 7 hour trip and I was a little concerned how Bandit would handle the long car ride. The wife had to work until 5 pm to close the store, but luckily my company was letting us off early. I headed home, finished packing and prepared the wrapped gifts and luggage to be loaded into the car the moment my wife arrived. Fed Bandit and then took him to the tennis courts to play, hoping to tire the little guy out for the trip.
Apparently some people delay getting a hair cut until the very last minute on Christmas Eve. Thus causing the wife to stay at work later than she expected. By the time she arrived home she was understandably agitated threatening to cancel the whole trip. I figured she was talking out of frustration and ignored her tempting offer. With the car packed, we were on our way…that’s when I noticed I couldn’t take a deep breath without coughing. My sinuses were clear, no sneezing or sore throat to speak of. Just a cough and a small discomfort when taking a deep breath.
My fear was pneumonia. I’ve known several people since moving to Florida come down with pneumonia and know how dangerous it can be. But it’s Christmas Eve, we have a dog with us in a car, and an arrival time on the GPS that already says 2 am. I did what most men do, ignored the signs and pressed on.
Bandit was about as good as you can expect a 5 month old puppy to be on a long car ride. Playful and curious, but surprisingly controllable. He spent most of the trip in his crate or sleeping on my wife’s lap. Until the 5 hour mark when exiting the crate he suddenly got very angry. I heard him make a noise I’d never heard before and scared both the wife and I. I think he smelled his food from the backseat floor and realized he was hungry again. But I wasn’t ready to feed him yet. Giving Bandit food and water means he must poop and pee a half hour later. Not smells I wanted accidentally in the car after what I went through the week before. I pulled over to secure Bandit back in his crate, gave him a treat for his cooperation on entering the crate and assured him he would be fed and watered in about an hour.
I can’t thank enough the people working the gas stations and rest areas late on Christmas Eve. As I was feeding Bandit at one of them, an employee came by to pet him. Out of guilt for him having to work so late on Christmas Eve, making it possible for me to even take this trip…I spent 20 minutes listening to a man talk about how his Lab just had puppies and he is struggling to find them homes and can’t afford the puppies shots. There was a time I would question why he didn’t get his dog fixed and avoid the puppy issue. How strange we see fertility as a problem in our pets…nope not going there. Sorry Bandit, you’re getting them snipped!
Anyway, we arrived at 2:30 am by my watch. Thankfully with the time difference, we gain an extra hour to sleep. Unlucky for Bandit this meant another 5 hours in the crate until morning. Between my coughing and Bandit’s fidgeting, sleep wasn’t easy.
Bandit woke up Christmas morning in the land of Chihuahua’s. My parents have 3 females, who are all in their golden years and have no interest in a 5 month old playful puppy. It was a surprisingly peaceful introduction and I opened the door letting all 4 dogs outside to go potty while I continued visiting with my parents. Bandit sat outside the door whining. Poor guy thinks he only has permission to go to the bathroom when my wife or I are standing next to him. Not wanting to cause any unnecessary confusion at this point in his training, I went outside and walked around the backyard next to him while he did his business.
When we went back inside, my mother bombarded me with tales and pictures of all of my cousins’ children! I’m happy my cousins aren’t struggling with infertility. Every once in a while I will find my courage and stalk Facebook for the latest photos and tales in their lives, but on my terms when I can compartmentalize the negative emotions. Someday I need to have “the talk” with my mother about discussing another’s children to me. She doesn’t understand the emotional pain I must manage during these conversations. If I ask a question about the kids, I’ve prepared myself to manage the dark emotions so it’s safe to talk about them. If someone else asks my mother about the kids in front of me, I can mentally check out of the conversation and come back when it’s safe again. But to surprise me out of the blue with this in a direct conversation with me; I don’t care how cute, smart and adorable they are, they’re demon spawn from the fires of Mount Doom! But it’s Christmas and not the time to lash out. I take a deep breath…cue coughing fit.
Finally my sister arrives with her boyfriend and her Chihuahua. A middle aged male who saw Bandit as a threat. A lot of barking and growling, but no playing. With my mother handing out candy cane chew sticks for the dogs, peace was restored and Christmas continued.
Bandit loves chewing paper. Toilet paper, paper towels, candy wrapper, magazine and now wrapping paper are some of the items Bandit finds irresistible. Knowing his obsession with paper, I’m surprised how well behaved he was that morning. Between the excitement of a new place and new animals and all the additional attention, only a couple times did we catch him trying to sneak away with a mouthful of paper.
Then we headed over to my wife’s family to spend some time with them. My mother-in-law also owns a Chihuahua. This one a middle aged female, who was interested in Bandit. He quickly realized he wasn’t liking this kind of attention. He just wanted to play, she wanted something else. As I sat conversing with relatives, petting Bandit on the head, this female decided to try and mount Bandit. He freaked and is now probably scarred for life.
He spent the rest of the afternoon on guard and played with the squeaky toy chicken my MIL bought for him (his new favorite) and getting the attention from the nieces.
That evening the storms outside started. Tornado warnings popped up in Mobile. My parents moved to Mobile after I moved out, so I know little about the landmarks of the area. I did recognize one the news mentioned that I heard my father talk about before, but not sure if it was 5 miles or 10, or on the other side of town. Figuring my parents would be making sure the dogs were safe I waited until the threat passed before making the call. Of course the anxiety was causing me to take deep breaths in turn causing more coughing fits to deal with.
Finally I told my wife about the trouble breathing I was having. She was concerned but agreed there wasn’t a immediate need considering it was Christmas Day and storms producing tornadoes outside. While waiting for a break in the storm to head back to my parents, the family conversation turned to who inherited who’s nose. My nose being one feature I had no desire to pass on to my children, I found this conversation rather amusing, but I noticed myself having more and more difficulty breathing.
On the way back to my parents I called them to make sure everything was okay. They were fine and had no idea a tornado touched down a few miles away from them a couple hours earlier.
That night the coughing deteriorated to the point I couldn’t hardly sleep again. I woke up feeling even worse and agreed to go to an urgent care clinic. As I stood in the kitchen, bent over resting my head on the counter, my mother approached from behind to feel my head for a fever. Bandit, having survived a molestation attempt the day before, didn’t like the angle she used and I guess he thought I was in need of protection. I had to stand up and face her before Bandit would back down.
Two hours, a flu test, chest x-ray and a clear indication I need to get serious about my diet again, I walked out of the clinic with nothing more than just a cold. I felt silly for making such a big deal for just a common cold. That was until I heard about Norman Schwarzkopf dying from pneumonia. I’m so glad I did get checked out for a simple cold, because pneumonia isn’t worth messing around with.
When we arrived back home I was so proud of Bandit. He didn’t have one accident the entire trip. He chewed only on items he was supposed to chew on. He even protected me. As he laid at the foot of the bed, I considered giving him another chance to sleep with us. I walked into the kitchen to take my cold medication and heard, “BANDIT NO!”
Half-baked Bandit
“Bandit! I need to talk to you about your addiction problem.”
What addiction problem?
“We need to talk about your addiction to grass.”
Are you serious?
“I am serious. I’m worried about what this addiction is doing to you.”
You’ve got no proof.
I’m taking a nap.
“Oh, but I do have proof. How do you explain this?”
I’m just laying in the grass.
No big deal.
“Okay, but what about a few seconds later?”
It got stuck on my chin.
Not my fault.
“What about this?”
Something smelled funny.
I was checking it out.
“And this?”
That’s just trick lighting effects.
“Quit denying your problem!”
What do you care?
A little grass never hurt anybody!
Some studies say it has positive effects.
“I’m not saying it will hurt you. Just that you might not like how you look when you’re on grass.”
What do you mean?
Hey! You can’t show that!
That’s PRIVATE!
“I tried to warn you about your grass addiction.”
You can’t do this to me.
You’re ruining my life!
“No I’m not. Chicks love these photos.”
Shooting the Bandit
Snoring on the center console.
“Is that comfortable Bandit?”
“You’re just too cute!!! Come here buddy.”
“I’ve got a puppy dog with FLUFFY FLOPPY EARS.”
“You don’t like me playing with your ears, but I can’t help it…they’re just soooo FFFFLUUUUFFFFFYYYY!”
Leave me alone!
“I’m sorry. I’ll let you sleep”
…
…
…
“Well that wasn’t long. You wanna play?”
“Grrrrrr, Hahaha.”
“OUCH! Hey, my fingers are not chew toys buddy.”
“OOOOOUCH! What? You need to go outside? Okay, let’s go outside.”
“Will you stop a minute? I need to put your leash on. Come here! Good boy!”
“Good job walking down the steps Bandit; you’re getting the hang of it.”
“Get busy.”
“Good boy! Here is your treat.”
It is a bird.
It is a plane.
It is Super Bandit.
Ignoring the fact he is lying in the grass.
“It’s Super Bandit!”
“Hold on…let me get a picture.”
“Awe.”
“One more…oh you’re done playing Super Bandit.”
“I know! Let’s go this way. We can probably get some good pictures on the grassy hill.”
“BANDIT, FOLLOW.”
“Good boy.”
“Heel.”
“Heel.”
“Stay with me buddy.”
“This will be a good spot.”
“Sit…Stay!”
“Perfect. One, two…” Click
Where is my treat?
“No buddy, you don’t get a treat yet.”
“Get back there. Sit! Stay!”
“Very Good.” Click
Oh Look.
Dogshit!
“Ignore the crap Bandit.”
“Sit! Look over here.”
Click
What’s that noise?
“Bandit. Look over here buddy.” Click
I really want that dogshit.
“BANDIT NO! Leave that alone!”
“Come back here.”
“Sit! Stay!” Click
CHOMP!
“BANDIT NO!!! GROSS!”
“BAD DOG! BAD DOG! SPIT IT OUT NOW! SPIT IT OUUUT!”
“GET AWAY FROM IT!”
“IT’S BAD ENOUGH I HAVE TO CLEAN UP YOUR MESS! I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO CLEAN UP OTHER DOGS MESSES JUST SO YOU WON’T EAT IT!”
“All gone! Now sit!”
“Stay.” Click
Whine
“I’m sorry I yelled at you buddy.”
“But you really must stop eating that. It’s gross and you’ll catch worms.”
“Come here Bandit. Yes. I love you buddy.”
“No, you’re not licking my face right now.”
“Let’s try again.”
“Sit! Stay!” Click
Where did the dogshit go?
“It’s all gone bud!”
“I’m starting to think this is a hopeless cause.”
“Last attempt and then we will go get something to eat…okay?”
“Love you too pups.”
“Sit!”
Click
Did you say food?
“BULLSEYE!”
Heart Stealing Bandit
Heart Stealing Bandit escapes again!!!
Beware of this dangerous criminal. He is wanted for stealing the hearts of men, women and children. His weapons of choice…puppy dog eyes and fluffy floppy ears! Be on the lookout, or you may be his next victim. He has stolen the hearts of the kind elderly couple next door, and the parents of his owners hundreds of miles away. No one is safe!!!
He has been known to serenade the wives of other men. Sometimes he sings for them, other times he plays them the squeaky toy. All fall under his spell.
Wanted for several successful escapes from his enclosure while the owners are away at work, only to be found relaxing on the couch.
Caught chillin’ on the couch!!!
He knows all he must do is look into your eyes and he is off the hook. Being forgiven for the most nefarious offenses such as relieving himself indoors, chewing on the new couch, and gnawing on daddy’s sandals.
He tricks women into feeling sorry for him through daring actions, such as, jumping off the couch headfirst into the coffee table. Another common ploy is falling off bed/couch while sleeping. Do not be fooled by these attempts to open your heart!
He finds enjoyment helping his owners around the house by getting in their way. Your feet are not so you can walk, they exist only for him to curl up against while cleaning the toilet/washing dishes/making dinner.
Known for holding feet hostage!
He goes by the name “Bandit” and that tells you all you need to know. A few known aliases are “Stinker”, “Cutie Patootie”, “Sweetie” and “Pups”.
Please fill out this poll so we can monitor the danger to the public.
The Cock-tese
Meet the newest member of the family. This little guy is half Cocker Spaniel and half Maltese and all cuteness. Just look at that face. He is missing his Momma and siblings at the moment.
We are trying to make him feel at home so the wife played some of her relaxation music and he fell fast asleep. Still trying to figure out what to name him. “Bandit” is the front runner at the moment. He is definitely bringing a smile to our faces. 😀
IVF male 