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The Chicken Noodle Soup Theorem

I apologize up front for the nature of this post. Those with a weak constitution may want to stop reading. I have come to a realization that may one day change the world. Probably not.  But who’s to say Pythagoras or John Nash knew what they had stumbled upon when documenting ideas about triangles or equilibriums. They probably weren’t even the first to realize the concepts they are credited with. They were, however, the first to record the idea. So here I am, recording my earth shattering epiphany for future generations to use in ways I couldn’t even imagine, to help shape the future of mankind. (If we survive past 12/21/12 of course.)

IVFmale’s Chicken Noodle Soup Theorem.
Chicken Noodle Soup with Ginger Ale causes really stinky farts.

How did I come to this ground breaking realization you may ask? Good question. For the past 2 days I’ve been sicker than a dog who was binge eating at an all-you-can-eat trash heap.

I woke up Tuesday morning feeling a little nauseous. After concluding I couldn’t be pregnant, since I’m infertile and a male, I knew something was wrong. I’ll take a stuffy runny nose and coughing my head off any day over nausea and vomiting. I sat up in bed holding my cramping belly as I broke out in a 5 alarm fever sweat all over my body.

Still I deluded myself into thinking I would be fine. “It’s just gas,” I tricked myself into believing as I sat down to the bowl of cereal the wife fixed for me. Two bites later, I had to stop. If I was going to maintain control over my bodily functions, eating more food was out of the question.

I sat at the table in meditation, trying to keep my stomach from rejecting the food it had just been offered. I informed the wife I would take the day off as a precaution, but reassured her it was probably nothing serious. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

While maintaining a calm composure, focusing on keeping my stomach soothed; I felt a pressure in my lower digestive system that made getting to the restroom an immediate priority. I now understand how someone could label the effect as “exploding”, because that’s what happened the moment I sat down.  If it hadn’t been for the extra weight I carry around with me, I probably would have achieved liftoff.

When the episode was over, I clean myself up and sprayed the room heavily with Lysol; while the wife directed me through the closed door were I could find the medication needed to fix my “problem.” Scanning the closet shelf I found the bottle holding the magic pills I prayed would bring me relief. I popped two pills in my mouth with a handful of water before remembering my lower digestive system wasn’t the only problem I was having that morning.

Too late! Burying my head in the toilet bowl, my stomach rejected the medication, along with what little I had eaten for breakfast, and much of what remained from the previous night’s dinner. In this position I found myself thankful. Thankful that I had already flushed the toilet before attempting to find the medication.

When I finally emerged from the bathroom after both the upper and lower parts of my digestive system had taken a couple of turns being ill, I was greeted with a caring pity look from the wife and an uncaring “I wan’t to play” look from the puppy. I sat on the couch feigning ignorance about my prior prediction about “being alright” and found myself thankful once again. We had cold bottles of regular Sprite in the refrigerator. Food was out of the question, but with both ends threatening to cause me dehydration, I needed something with calories that might calm my stomach.

Slowly I started sipping the soda knowing the likely result. Sure enough, I found myself bowing to the porcelain god once again. Only this time the lower end decided it wasn’t willing to take turns anymore. Leaving me to make some snap decisions on how to handle the situation. Seated on the bowl with my face directed towards the sink, I was mostly successful at avoiding a complete disaster. During a brief lull, I begged my saint of a wife to bring me the large soup pot, the Clorox cleaning wipes, and a change of clothes.

Now armed with a defensive strategy to handle both issues at once, I somehow managed to clean up the mess between attacks. The wife went out and picked up some more nausea medication and a bottle of ginger ale, for I needed to fix that problem before addressing the other one. That’s how I spent the rest of Tuesday…shivering on the couch in a cold sweat feeling like I was just ran over by a bus, or sitting on the toilet with my head buried in a large soup pot while cursing my own existence.

I knew I had to keep drinking fluids, but little was working. I attempted orange juice, but there was no hope in keeping that down, so I stuck with sipping on ginger ale trying to get the upper half of my digestive system back under control. At the end of Tuesday, my entire digestive track was clean as a whistle, which I never understood that phrase since blowing on a whistle after someone else isn’t very hygienic, but I digress. Let’s just say I had visual evidence there was nothing left in my digestive system and leave it at that.

After a night of successfully maintaining control over my upper half, I attempted to eat a few bites of chicken noodle soup Wednesday morning. My stomach waited a whole 20 minutes before rejecting the latest offering. I viewed this delay as progress and made another attempt a couple hours later. When an hour passed after my second attempt with the soup, I braved another assault on the problem with my lower digestive system. Two more magic pills with a sip of ginger ale.

Ah…sweet success. A little more chicken soup and sips of ginger ale,  soon my digestive issues were under control. Albeit only barely thanks to meditation and nausea medication allowing the Imodium pills a chance to keep working. When the lower digestive pressure alarm triggered, I assumed my now customary seated position holding a large soup bowl in my lap. Thinking how thankful I was we only have two ends of our digestive track to worry about, because I couldn’t have handled a third. Just gas! Hurrah, hallelujah thank the…cough, gasp, choke, oh my god where is that can of Lysol?

I bowed my head in prayer to the heavily used large soup pot before me, trying to keep down what little I had eaten over the last few hours. Where once I was thankful for not having a sinus problem at the same time as a stomach problem, I now wished otherwise. My ability to still smell was about to foil everything and cause my body to betray me once again. (Keeping in mind I hadn’t showered in two days and only accomplished properly brushing half my teeth the morning prior before suffering another attack. Thank goodness for mouthwash!)

My free hand found the can of Lysol providing not only some aromatic relief, but also gifting my arm with extended reach to turn on the exhaust fan without risking any further stomach jostling. Victory had been preserved!

I survived the ordeal to spread the word about the dangers of eating chicken noodle soup and drinking ginger ale with fully functional olfactories.


© copyright 2011-2012

Is IVF destructive?

The decision to attempt IVF is not an easy one to make. For most it is a financial gamble on a dream that will take years to recover from. But this is nothing compared to emotional struggle a couple will face when IVF is their last option for a biological child.  Moral, ethical and religious questions weigh heavily on the minds of any couple facing IVF.

There is a disturbing need by some to connect embryonic losses during IVF with the concept of destroying a life through an abortion. Regardless of your view on abortion, not all losses during the IVF process are cases of destroying life.

Even more insulting is the assumption couples attempting IVF are blasé about these losses; we only care about the take home baby. Nothing could be further from the truth. When my Wife and I heard 9 mature eggs were harvested, realistically I thought 5 would grow after being fertilized. Reading the statistics from other IVF couples, I knew 5 was a reasonable number, even if still optimistic. The fact is our Reproductive Endocrinologist, the Embryologist, the nurses, techs, my Wife and I were all HOPING every one of the 9 eggs fertilized would result in a viable embryo.

If a farmer plants 15 corn seeds, and only 6 grow into stalks of corn, we don’t say the farmer “destroyed” 9 plants do we? Why do some feel the need to label these losses as destroying or killing innocent life when everyone involved was doing everything they could avoid it? Clinics don’t transfer multiple embryos hoping all but one survives, it’s simply the odds the doctor’s are dealing with. Most clinics are responsible about the number of embryos transferred into the womb, a few aren’t. We can’t let the case of Octomom tarnish and warp how IVF is viewed to those not dealing with infertility.

To be honest, my biggest fear during the IVF process wasn’t ending up empty handed. My biggest fear was facing the need for selective reduction.  A situation our clinic tries very hard to avoid. Holding clinics responsible for relying too often on selective reduction is certainly a cause I could get behind. However, transferring two embryos into a womb that both split isn’t a situation any doctor could have predicted. Selective reduction would be needed for the life of the mother and to avoid risking the lives of all the children.

There is one aspect to IVF that is sadly destructive. The discarding of frozen embryos.  Our clinic provided us with the option of what to do with our remaining frozen embryos should we decide to stop having children. To discard or donate for embryonic adoption? There should be more literature provided discussing the benefits of choosing donation to help other infertile couples. An option all clinics should provide to their patients.

I’m not defending the IVF process against all the ethical questions against it. It disturbs me to think how this process could be abused to select designer babies with the right eye and hair color. Or when I hear about it being used for gender selection.

The limited destructive aspect of the IVF process can be reduced through education and holding clinics responsible to keep the number of selective reductions needed as low as possible. But we must fight against the idea that all embryonic losses are destroying life. The majority of losses are because they didn’t survive when everyone involved were hoping they would.

IVF is overcoming an obstacle preventing a couple from conceiving. That’s all. We don’t withhold glasses from those with poor eyesight because they see the way God intended. Nor do we condemn those with a genetic disorders and prevent them from treatments. We treat children suffering leukemia, cyanotic heart defects causing “Blue Babies”, those with cleft pallets, all natural conditions we have overcome using science.

Unlike embryonic stem cell research, none of the embryos created during the IVF process were done so with the intent of being destroyed. The IVF process is about creating life.

With only about a 20% success rate for a couple trying naturally to conceive, the success rate of IVF is much higher. But we have statistics we can point to regarding the losses during IVF. We just don’t know why a fertile couple only has a 20% chance of getting pregnant. While a large number of them are cases of the egg not actually fertilizing…we just don’t know how many did fertilize and didn’t implant like we do with IVF.

I understand the choice of attempting IVF is a difficult one. But don’t let anyone tell you it is against God’s will. If God were that against IVF, wouldn’t its success rate be zero?

Dear IVFmale, ivf and accomplishments

I’m constantly amazed how some people find this blog using search engines. Take my top 5 search terms this week…

One of my reasons for starting this blog was to help get the male’s perspective of the infertility story told. When I first found out about my condition, I searched the web for answers and guidance about the journey I was just starting. Most of what I found were women dealing with infertility due to a male factor condition. While helpful, it missed the mark in what I was craving. A male’s understanding of the shock I was feeling. To connect in some small way with another also dealing with the emotions of my Severe Male Factor diagnosis. A couple of good male perspective blogs were found, many were not.

One male blogger put everything in terms of Star Wars. I love Star Wars. I’m a total Star Wars geek. George Lucas turned into the Evil Empire…Han Solo shot first…Phantom and Clones are an abomination that Lucas should be ashamed of…I get the attraction of Star Wars.  I don’t want Star Wars ruined even further by linking it with infertility. Just NO!

My ivf accomplishment has been creating this blog. A place to laugh at infertility when you’re just tired of crying about it. Yet still put forward real emotion which others may fear admitting. The search engine verification process was my attempt to reach out to others just beginning their struggle with infertility.

Where men can come and understand it’s normal to feel a sense of loss after hearing bad news about you’re condition. There is still hope. Always remember, a couple will survive the hard times by working together. Sometimes you support her, other times she will support you. Don’t feel ashamed to talk to your wife about your struggles. She is probably wanting you too.

A place where a woman can learn what their husband is feeling, but he won’t speak about.  To understand men struggle just as much with the emotions of infertility that they are. We don’t go quiet because we’re cold and heartless…it’s because we care and we’re afraid to cause the woman in our life even more distress. We don’t understand that talking about what we are feeling would actually help her.  Let your man know talking about his feelings will help you both. And be a little forgiving if the words don’t come out right, because we’re not used to talking about feelings.

I’m very proud of this blog. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine it would be so popular with folks wanting to make meringue from semen and puppy pictures. Three of my top five search terms are for Bandit! Now you’re probably asking yourself, how “missing half of face” could possibly be attributed to Bandit?

I’m glad you asked; I wondered the same thing. My request to Mr. Google left me scratching my head. Nothing related to my blog, and I wasn’t about to scan several pages of people missing half their face to find out why. Tagging “ivfmale” onto the end made it clear why this person found me.

Cocker-teseIn my post The Cock-tese I talked about Bandit being half Cocker Spaniel and half Maltese. Then pointed out the adorable face and stated he was missing his momma since we just picked him up from the breeder.

Even while looking at the grotesqueness of people with only half a face, Bandit snatched them away to look at cute adorable puppy pictures!

Simply amazing.

Further down the list we have…

— male nut cursher

Quit being sexist. A female can cursh nuts as well as any male can. What is a nut cursher anyway?

— ivf “calling in sick”

Go right ahead.

— punishment needle
— i gave my wife a needle injection as afun

I bet you both have no problems procreating…but you still need to seek help!

— 4dp3dt and lots of cm

STOP! STOP! STOP! The ups and downs are bad enough from the doctor, quit adding to it. I understand if checking your cm now brings you comfort from doing it so often…but lay off googling about it. You can pee on a stick in a few more days. GOOD LUCK!

— male hospital exam funny stories

Have you heard the one about getting a testicle and prostate exam from a urologist while the wife watches?


© copyright 2011-2012

Dear Ivfmale, Poetry

It’s Wednesday, so lets see what the search engine report has for me this week. Hmm, not much.

—my wife is not commited to ivf

Sounds like my ex-wife. She would be gung-ho about some together project in the beginning, and half way through it she would lose interest leaving me to finish the job. I imagine if I found out about my infertility back then, I would likely be in the situation you are right now. The ivf process is very hard on a woman’s body and emotional state. Pushing her into a decision she isn’t committed to will only backfire. The stimulation meds will guarantee this. Take time to build up your savings and see if she comes around.

—ivf with new puppy

Not sure what you are looking for here. I’ve found the new puppy to be a good distraction. He will keep you busy playing, peeing on the rug, chewing on things he shouldn’t, there is always something to do or watch for with a new puppy. Although it may complicate the already complicated schedule of stimulation drugs and doctor appointments, you will be thankful for the puppy’s ability to demand your attention.


That’s it? Maybe better luck next week. Anyway, I’m really excited my poem was reblogged by Barrenart yesterday. Check her blog out. I think this is a brilliant idea to have an Infertile Art Gallery of sorts. Since it’s a slow search week and I’m feeling inspired, I leave you another poem that I’ve been pondering…

Male Factor Condoms

By Matthew Wanner

Purchased in bulk.
Hating each one of you.
Protecting plans for the future.
Suffering Awkwardness

All for nothing.
Hating each one of you.
Avoided buying stereo.
Money flushed down toilet.

Crap! No refunds.

Happy Humpday!

© copyright 2011-2012

Dear Ivfmale, Confused?

Time for another Dear Ivfmale where I look at what people were searching for when they found my blog. This is my way of helping others with whatever is troubling them. Looking at the list for the last couple of weeks I’m a bit disappointed. Either the search engines are getting better at targeting my page away from those with questionable motives, or those people are becoming wiser. But now I’m left with people who really need to take a class in googling. If I’m confused about what you are wanting, the search engine is going to be confused as well, pointing you in unhelpful directions.

—ivf bitch wife

  1. Now is your wife a bitch for wanting ivf? How dare she want to have your kid.
  2. Is she a bitch because of the stimulation medications? Yes those medications sure can give your wife mood swings. Blame the medication and let it go. She needs your support right now, this is one of those times you need to just brush it off and take things in stride.
  3. Are you going through IVF with a woman who was already a bitch wife? Can’t help you there. You married her.

—male delay ivf

Honestly what were you hoping to find with that search? There is only one reason why doctors would delay ivf due to the male partner and that is because they want to improve his sperm. Either in count or in quality. Now maybe a male might want to delay ivf due to financial or emotional reasons. Although doctors may just care about us making love to a plastic cup and then forgetting about us. The male partner is on the same emotional roller coaster during this time (sans stimulation drugs of course), and the ivf process without insurance sure does rip a hole in the wallet. But I’m still left confused what are you really looking for?

—engelse cocker spaniel chocolade bond

Huh?!? WTF does that mean? Oh wait, it’s Dutch. 😆 Thank you google translator.

—English cocker spaniel chocolate bond

You were looking at Bandit weren’t you. Bandit is half Cocker Spaniel and half Maltese, or Cock-tese. The English Cocker Spaniel has a bigger muzzle and a different look with side curtains.

English Cocker Spaniel source

Bandit is going to be smaller because of his Maltese mother. He is a sweet puppy as it is. I don’t see the need to be bonding chocolate to him.  Bandit would probably just end up eating the chocolate and I’ve always heard that giving your dog chocolate was bad. And if he didn’t eat it, you would just end up getting dog hair all over your chocolate. Who would want to eat chocolate dog hair? Or were you looking for a pie filling to go with semen meringue?

© copyright 2011-2012

Dear Ivfmale, Semen Meringue?

It’s Wednesday and time for Dear Ivfmale. Several interesting searches this week so let’s see what we have…

— kids playing “sex doctor” with each other

Go to your favorite search engine and type in “help with pedophile thoughts” and call the first doctor on this list in your area. Seriously, get some help.

—hcg doesn’t work for sperm now what

I’m glad you asked. First you get to pay off the inflated price of all those HCG drugs thanks to those folks using it to lose weight. Next depending on how low your count is the doctors may try collecting several samples to combine into a super sample inserted into your wife using an IUI procedure. Otherwise they are probably going to recommend IVF with the ICSI procedure if your count is as low as mine. Personally I would go for the IVF first and go for the cheaper options later when the bank account forces that on you. I would hate for my best option to be out of my price range when I would have been able to afford it several attempts prior. Unless insurance will help cover those other procedures then by all means go for those IUI’s or Natural IVF’s then.

—english woman &man how love each

This one broke my heart a little. It was on a slow day and this popped up on my report the same time I saw someone from Pakistan had viewed my blog. I believe love is a universal human emotion that transcends class, race and culture. It’s a word with many facets covering all the different forms of love. If you want a truly english perspective of love, watch the movie “Love Actually” if it is available to you. If you are looking for a better relationship with your husband, try searching for “How english women manipulate men.” Trick your husband into treating you better may allow for more communication between the two of you. From there you can work on building a loving relationship. Throughout history there have been many powerful women in male dominated societies. That power starts with learning how to manipulate men without them knowing it, so I would recommend starting there.

—meringue from semen

I know meringue with egg whites is formed by whipping air into the protein molecules of the egg whites. As you whip the whites the protein molecules lock together trapping the air inside forming the meringue. Adding sugar will add strength to these bonds preventing it from falling flat. Now fats have the opposite effect on these bonds allowing the air to escape. Which is why breaking a yolk into the egg whites makes it near impossible to get a nice fluffy meringue. I do know the spermatozoa contains fat it uses for energy needed for the journey to the egg. So if you are having problems with making meringue from semen you might try finding someone with a very low sperm count. What…you’re inviting me to dinner? Thanks but I couldn’t…pie for dessert you say. Sounds delicious but really no thanks. I just started my diet 2 minutes ago. I’m so sorry.

—why is my bladder in sync with bathroom cleaning schedule

Alright fine. This wasn’t on my search engine report. But I sure would like to know why every day the urge calls and I walk over to a bathroom closed for cleaning.

© copyright 2011-2012

Dear ivfmale, IM injections?

Last week I told you how I get this report whenever someone uses a search engine to find this blog. I’ve decided to make this a regular Wednesday post, because it just looks like too much fun to pass up. All wordpress says about these terms are: “Search terms are words or phrases users find you with when they search.” So I’m not sure if that means they actually visited my page or not. (Like that would stop me from helping somebody in need.)

(I’m not including the ones from friends and family searching for this blog directly. We love all of you for your support throughout this process and it means the world to us. Thank you.)

First up.
— Sexdoctor
Sorry, I don’t have any advice on this blog about sexual performance. This is a blog about infertility. We’ve dealt with OBGYN’s, Urologist’s and Reproductive Specialist’s, but no sex doctor’s. Try including the issue you are having in your search engine for a better chance of finding a solution to your problem.

— im injections
Yes, we have done lots of those. The wife loves them…okay she tolerates them. Check out The Flavor Injector for tips on giving these injections to a loved one.

—malee womans
??? Google? What does this even mean? I hope it’s not some deal with mixed gender parts, because I know nothing about those.

—meringue cookie injector
Now I only tweeted about meringue cookies. Huh. Well I use a gallon Ziploc bag filled with my meringue cookie mixture, then snip the corner. But this just makes the cookies. I guess you could inject them with some sort of plastic syringe filled with chocolate or other flavorings. But the meringue is rather delicate and not sure you could do this. I know embryologists are good at inserting stuff into delicate items, one might help you out if you offered them some of the cookies.

—male doctors looking for wives
If you’re going to gold dig, don’t go for a male doctor. They work long hours and have the threat of malpractice claims eating into your hard earned shoe and purse money. I would search for “male finance executives looking for wives.” Or “male hedge fund managers looking for wives.” Even a junior hedge fund manager can make $450,000 dollars a year between salary and bonuses. If he moves up to a head manager that’s well over a million a year in salary alone. You’d need a new house just for shoes and purses.

I know a urologist who gives a firm testicle check, but I didn’t get the sense he loved doing it. Thankfully. Sorry. I’ll tell you what…since I am unable to help you, I’m offering a full refund. The check is in the mail. I’m sure if you hold your breath it will arrive any minute.

© copyright 2011-2012

Focus on what is in your control

I think I give great advice. Others may disagree. I do know for a fact I am great at not following my own advice, and always end up kicking myself afterward. So here is some advice I think I should be following and struggling with.

Separate what is in your control from what is not in your control.

While going through the IVF process, many worries will start planting themselves in your thoughts. Why did this happen to us? Will I have enough sperm on the day it’s needed? Will we harvest enough eggs from my wife’s ovaries? How many of those eggs will turn into embryos? Will we have enough embryos to store for a frozen cycle? Will the embryos attach? What if she miscarries?

These are all worries that are completely out of your control. It’s as pointless as worrying about rain on a special day. Nothing you say or do will make it rain or not make it rain. For some reason the mind gravitates to these types of worries. However, if you are worried it might rain on a special day, you can schedule it during a month that statistically has little rainfall. Or you can make alternate indoor plans if the date of the special day can’t be changed.

Similarly there are aspects to this IVF process that are in your control. You can control mixing the medication properly. Following your doctors instructions. Making sure you perform the injections the same time every day. Staying on top of your medication so you don’t run out. Your reaction when you are accused of walking too loudly. These are all aspects of the process you can control and should be the focus of your attention. These are the only parts of the process where you can be a success or failure at.

At the very root of all this is the question, “If you can afford IVF, are you willing to make the attempt for a family?” Answering “no” is the only way you fail. If you answer yes, make each part of the process in your control a success. A negative result can not change that.

I have no control over the results. My doctor’s job is to worry about how many follicles are growing. My job is to make the odds as high as possible for good results to occur. If in the end we don’t have a child, I will be sad about not having a family. But I am not going to feel like a failure.

© copyright 2011-2012

That is still the woman you love!

During the stimulation phase, it is important to keep in mind what you are doing to accomplish your goal. Your wife will love you one minute, despise you the next, and then be frustrated with your inability to read her mind. This is normal and not her fault. The drugs you are putting into her body to stimulate egg development are behind these mood swings. Don’t sweat it. Just store any weapons you have at a buddy’s house for a few days. Buy some paper plates and plastic ware at Dollar General and you will be fine. I promise.

We went to the big city today for our next ultrasound. One of the doctors did today’s and he counts completely different then how the nurse counted the follicles last time. So now I’m not sure what is going on. I just know the doctor is increasing us to 4 Bravelle and 2 Menopur. In addition we get to start the Cetrotide shot as well to stall the ovaries from releasing eggs.

That’s where we stand at the moment.

© copyright 2011-2012

The flavor injector

Here is my IVF guide for any male who is giving a loved one an IM (intramuscular) injection at home.

First of all, get the nurse to outline the target area with permanent marker. Then remark the area every night before bedtime. This takes the guesswork of the proper location out of your hands and allows you to place all the blame on the nurse. Normally I’m the type that will accept responsibility, but in this case it is all about redirecting blame. Not if, but when you have a bad night, you are going to have to do this again the next night. You don’t want the feeling of guilt clouding your mind.

Follow the instructions for mixing the shot, then replace the needle on the syringe with the sterile needle you will be using to inject your wife. Now make sure she isn’t tensing up. If she is tense, it will hurt. Make her face the wall and avoid mirrors and shadows. Seeing what you are about to do next will just make her tense up, it’s your job to not let her see. Wipe the target with the alcohol pad, then remove the air out of the needle so there is a bead of medicine at the tip. Now comes the hard part.

You know how she thinks you are cold-hearted when you are really just feeling indifferent about something. Well figure out where that dial is within yourself and crank it to 11. For the next 20 seconds that thing in front of you is no longer your wife. It is a slab of meat. A turkey in desperate need of flavor injecting before you toss it in the oven. With confidence, slide the needle ALL the way into the turkey. Pull on the plunger a little bit and if you see blood, pull the needle out about 2 millimeters, no more. The deeper the needle the better. You don’t want that flavoring to come back out of the turkey. Now start slowly pushing on the plunger as you begin counting seconds. You want to finish between 5 and 10 seconds. The closer to 10 the better, but not longer than 10 or the spell will wear off and the turkey will turn back into your wife. (Edit: The progesterone in oil is very thick and is better to go really slow. Just takes more willpower to keep up the turkey illusion.) Now once all the medication flavoring has been inserted, count for 5 more seconds to make sure all the flavor stays in. Then confidently remove the needle and put the cap back on.

Now it is safe to be concerned about your wife.


(Edit: I’ll be modifying this section as I learn new techniques.)

I poke the tip of the needle in the skin slowly, then quickly slide it the rest of the way in. Some prefer just darting the needle all the way in. I have horrible aim, so the poke/slide method works well for me and the needle goes exactly where I want it to go. But she’s the one receiving the injection, go with the method she prefers. 

Once you start, DO NOT STOP. Stopping will just make things worse. Just keep thinking how good that turkey will taste when it’s done.

Do not scold your wife for flinching. I was informed this doesn’t help.

Do not ask her if she is ready, this just causes her to know when to tense up.

When you are giving daily injections for several days, you will be alternating from one side to the other. Try to stay 1 cm away from the spot you used 2 nights ago.

Once in a while you are going to come across a needle that isn’t as sharp as it should be. How can you tell if you have a good needle? You can’t. Not without compromising its sterility. She will complain that the shot hurt, when it was performed the same way the night before and it didn’t hurt. This happens and just remind yourself that it is not your fault. (If you are using the poke/slide technique you have a chance of avoiding this issue. As you slowly poke the tip into the skin she will let you know it hurts before you’ve punctured the skin. You can then swap the dull needle out for another one that should be sharp and try again. If you are using the dart method..well it’s the needles fault it hurt!)

Out of the 7 shots so far, only one hurt because of a dull needle. Two had a slight burning sensation because I was being a chicken and didn’t have the needle in all the way. The rest didn’t bother her. Follow this recipe and you should get through this process with minimal discomfort.

For more tips from the female’s perspective, check out infertilitydoessuck’s post PIO injection tips.

© copyright 2011-2012