Blog Archives

Dear Ivfmale, Semen Meringue?

It’s Wednesday and time for Dear Ivfmale. Several interesting searches this week so let’s see what we have…

— kids playing “sex doctor” with each other

Go to your favorite search engine and type in “help with pedophile thoughts” and call the first doctor on this list in your area. Seriously, get some help.

—hcg doesn’t work for sperm now what

I’m glad you asked. First you get to pay off the inflated price of all those HCG drugs thanks to those folks using it to lose weight. Next depending on how low your count is the doctors may try collecting several samples to combine into a super sample inserted into your wife using an IUI procedure. Otherwise they are probably going to recommend IVF with the ICSI procedure if your count is as low as mine. Personally I would go for the IVF first and go for the cheaper options later when the bank account forces that on you. I would hate for my best option to be out of my price range when I would have been able to afford it several attempts prior. Unless insurance will help cover those other procedures then by all means go for those IUI’s or Natural IVF’s then.

—english woman &man how love each

This one broke my heart a little. It was on a slow day and this popped up on my report the same time I saw someone from Pakistan had viewed my blog. I believe love is a universal human emotion that transcends class, race and culture. It’s a word with many facets covering all the different forms of love. If you want a truly english perspective of love, watch the movie “Love Actually” if it is available to you. If you are looking for a better relationship with your husband, try searching for “How english women manipulate men.” Trick your husband into treating you better may allow for more communication between the two of you. From there you can work on building a loving relationship. Throughout history there have been many powerful women in male dominated societies. That power starts with learning how to manipulate men without them knowing it, so I would recommend starting there.

—meringue from semen

I know meringue with egg whites is formed by whipping air into the protein molecules of the egg whites. As you whip the whites the protein molecules lock together trapping the air inside forming the meringue. Adding sugar will add strength to these bonds preventing it from falling flat. Now fats have the opposite effect on these bonds allowing the air to escape. Which is why breaking a yolk into the egg whites makes it near impossible to get a nice fluffy meringue. I do know the spermatozoa contains fat it uses for energy needed for the journey to the egg. So if you are having problems with making meringue from semen you might try finding someone with a very low sperm count. What…you’re inviting me to dinner? Thanks but I couldn’t…pie for dessert you say. Sounds delicious but really no thanks. I just started my diet 2 minutes ago. I’m so sorry.

—why is my bladder in sync with bathroom cleaning schedule

Alright fine. This wasn’t on my search engine report. But I sure would like to know why every day the urge calls and I walk over to a bathroom closed for cleaning.

© copyright 2011-2012

Sex, Doctor style

Friday ended up being a reflection on how the universe enjoys laughing at me. My wife suffers from anxiety. Well it seems the HCG shot put her anxiety at defcon 2. The medication she takes to help her anxiety, she has had to ween off of before this procedure. As an alternative we are sending her to acupuncture, which is helping, but my insurance won’t cover it. The additional cost in turn is causing more anxiety. Then her coworker, out of the blue, files for FMLA next week making her shop short a person when we need flexibility for the embryo transfer. Which is adding more stress. The good news is this week my company is finally giving out our yearly raises. I sure could use a raise to help pay for these expenses my company’s insurance won’t cover, but I make just enough to qualify for the group the executives feel don’t need a raise. (Not blaming you boss, still sucks though.) Everywhere I turned, a new irony was slapping me in the face.

Eventually we got her anxiety under control and went to bed. Now I made sure to have my alarm set for 5:30, what I forgot to check was I had it set not to trigger on the weekend. It’s a good thing my wife is a morning person. We get on the road for the hour-long drive to the main office at the hospital in the big city. I’m estimating we would be about 45 minutes early. We get to the hospital to find the main garage is closed. Ugh! So we follow the signs to the other end of the hospital where there is another parking garage. I didn’t even know they had a second parking garage. We then walk the half a mile through the hospital without a clue where we are headed. By the time we arrive, the wife is laughing at me for my snippy responses to any friendly staff person who offers assistance, and we are only 15 minutes early.

I got called in to give my contribution and was directed to a different room with, you guessed it, a folding chair in a bathroom.

This one has been around the block. I thought the tear in the front was a nice touch. At least this door had a lock and no assassin overhead cabinets waiting to assault me.

You know what is more uncomfortable than leaving a room where everyone knows you are going to go masturbate? Coming back to the same room when you’re done with the same people 15 minutes later, and then walk over to your wife and sit next to her. I think my face discovered a new shade of red. They call my wife in for her procedure. I do a little tweeting, then bury my head in a book to avoid eye contact with anyone else.

About an hour and a half later they call my name. I eagerly get up wanting to check on my wife and see how she is doing. Instead the nurse directs me to the elevator and tells me I have to haul my ass the half mile to get the car, because they are bringing her down to the lobby. By the time I exit the parking garage, the nurse is wheeling my wife down the street looking for me. I almost didn’t notice them in pursuing my goal of getting to the pickup area.

BUT WE DID IT! They harvested 12 eggs from my wife. We will hear back in a couple of days with results on how many successfully fertilized.

© copyright 2011-2012

Do I dare hope?

It was 2 months before the fertility specialist could see us. Although my wife found this frustrating, it gave me a chance to recover. Plus it gave us time to read up on some of the options. Having my father donate appeared to be the best option for the both of us. Adoption and donor sperm from a stranger, are not for me. Every time someone would mistakenly compare the kids features to mine, would feel like a kick in the gut. Issues like do you tell the kid the truth, or questions about why the kid doesn’t look like me, these things just bother me. I know it’s irrational. I wish I was a stronger person to rise above this, but I’m not. On the one hand I know I would try my hardest to love and care for the child and raise it as my own. But there is this nagging feeling of uncertainty. Will I love him/her, or will I secretly resent him/her? Of course my every desire would be to love the child. But I’m not going to kid myself, I just do not know the answer to that question. For me, those options are off the table.

The other option we are considering is In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). But what we are reading says the costs are around $20,000 dollars. I make a decent living, but crunching the numbers don’t look good. Our insurance doesn’t cover it, so although I could afford to have the child, there would be no money left to raise the child. And we are not even sure if it would be possible with my 2 swimmers.

We meet with the specialist. A very nice man. Seems to be on the quiet side, much like myself. He goes through the list of options for us and the pros and cons of each. I bring up the subject of using my father as a donor. He explains that it is an option, but federal law requires donor sperm to be frozen for 6 months before it can be used to be sure it doesn’t have HIV or hepatitis. If we were using sperm from a complete stranger, I’m in complete support. But in this case, that is just stupid. So an unmarried couple wants to have a kid through sex, no problem. Unmarried couple needs assistance through IVF or other means, 6 month quarantine. So the federal government is forcing an unmarried couple wanting to have kids to either 1. get married, or 2. wait the 6 months. Where I’m sure they have been having sex throughout the 6 months. In my opinion, that’s just stupid.

But then the doctor directs us to a process called Intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI). Where they take a single sperm and inject it directly into an egg. Used in conjunction with IVF this would allow my sperm to be used regardless of the very low quantity I am producing.

Cautiously I ask, “How much?”

As it so happens, this clinic’s prices are reasonable and something we may actually be able to afford. We have lots to discuss. Hoping the tax return is a good one this year. But I must be careful. There is still a chance this may not work. But do I dare hope? Yes, how can one not?

© copyright 2011-2012