I am blessed with strong healthy teeth. They were very crooked before braces, but always healthy. I didn’t even have a cavity until I was over 30 years old. Basically the dental checkup for me is usually just an in and out procedure. There is no fear of going and I enjoy walking out with smooth polished teeth.
My wife however takes better care of her teeth than I do mine and is always having problems. My Mother is fighting to keep the few remaining teeth she has, while my Father only has a couple of cavities and still has all his teeth. I understand the importance of genetics in oral health care.
Today as I sat in the chair for my 6 month cleaning, the hygienist asks me for changes in my health history. I am sure she asked me last visit, but I wasn’t telling anyone about my infertility 6 months ago. Besides our clinic and my Wife, only my Father and Boss knew about my infertility. Now I am pretty open. All my family and close friends know my situation. Yet I still clammed up when faced with the opportunity to tell someone in person my story.
“No” was my answer and she asks if I have any children. “No.”
Now I’m dreading going to the dentist (or any specialist doctor) for reasons that have nothing to do with my teeth. I don’t see why my Dentist needs to know I’m firing blanks? Besides having two testicles and two eyes, what correlation will my Eye Doctor glean by divulging my busted family jewels? Does the sleep specialist really need to hear I’m firing missiles without a payload?
If I was currently taking some medication for the condition, sure I would tell them. They’re the experts and are more aware of what compounds have side effect relating to their specialty. But I’m not. The way I see it, my health hasn’t changed. I’ve always been this way. Sure I’ve just recently discovered it, but does my Dentist need to know?
Relieved that she avoided asking if I planned on having children, I then listen to her talk about an Elf on the Shelf that she must hide in a different place every night for her 6 year old daughter. Fuck!
Since I found out the true nature of Santa, I’ve always wanted to be a part of the magic. When I was 12 I begged my Mother to let me help set up the Santa display for my little sister. My proposal was rejected and told I could play Santa with my own kids. The irony!
Luckily the process of giving my wife injections allowed me to develop an ability to be indifferent on call. I crank that knob to 11 and ask basic questions to feign conversation. I laugh at the fact her daughter noticed twice already when the Elf didn’t change it’s location forcing them to create a cover story. Of course the doll and clothes are overpriced, but it’s such a fun activity I would love to spend the money on something like Elf on the Shelf. Maybe expand on the concept by placing a candy cane in his hands after a day of good behavior.
The hygienist then mentions her children that are in their 30’s. Okay. Late in life oops? Pile it on bitch, you’re not getting a tear out of me today!
Nope, an unplanned adoption. They found out some little girl would spend the rest of her life in foster care and decided to adopt her.
CRAP! She is fertile and blessed with an unplanned easy adoption. Now I’m wanting to ask questions about how that came about. The idea of adoption has been growing on me, but the horror stories of people spending all that money and still ending up empty handed scares me. The roller coaster ride trying for a biological child was hard enough. Riding it again for an adoption, no thank you.
However, if there was a way to keep my eyes open for an opportunity like the hygienist had, I’m interested.
Once again my fear of looking stupid gets in my way.
I guess I could have asked about the subject without disclosing my infertility. But my fear was asking questions about her adoption would lead to talking about my infertility problem…and I already avoided telling her about this health issue. Was I supposed to conveniently forget about my infertility when she asked earlier?
I walked away feeling this dental visit was a complete disaster with smooth shiny teeth, healthy gums and no cavities.
I hate infertility!
I’m constantly amazed how some people find this blog using search engines. Take my top 5 search terms this week…
One of my reasons for starting this blog was to help get the male’s perspective of the infertility story told. When I first found out about my condition, I searched the web for answers and guidance about the journey I was just starting. Most of what I found were women dealing with infertility due to a male factor condition. While helpful, it missed the mark in what I was craving. A male’s understanding of the shock I was feeling. To connect in some small way with another also dealing with the emotions of my Severe Male Factor diagnosis. A couple of good male perspective blogs were found, many were not.
One male blogger put everything in terms of Star Wars. I love Star Wars. I’m a total Star Wars geek. George Lucas turned into the Evil Empire…Han Solo shot first…Phantom and Clones are an abomination that Lucas should be ashamed of…I get the attraction of Star Wars. I don’t want Star Wars ruined even further by linking it with infertility. Just NO!
My ivf accomplishment has been creating this blog. A place to laugh at infertility when you’re just tired of crying about it. Yet still put forward real emotion which others may fear admitting. The search engine verification process was my attempt to reach out to others just beginning their struggle with infertility.
Where men can come and understand it’s normal to feel a sense of loss after hearing bad news about you’re condition. There is still hope. Always remember, a couple will survive the hard times by working together. Sometimes you support her, other times she will support you. Don’t feel ashamed to talk to your wife about your struggles. She is probably wanting you too.
A place where a woman can learn what their husband is feeling, but he won’t speak about. To understand men struggle just as much with the emotions of infertility that they are. We don’t go quiet because we’re cold and heartless…it’s because we care and we’re afraid to cause the woman in our life even more distress. We don’t understand that talking about what we are feeling would actually help her. Let your man know talking about his feelings will help you both. And be a little forgiving if the words don’t come out right, because we’re not used to talking about feelings.
I’m very proud of this blog. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine it would be so popular with folks wanting to make meringue from semen and puppy pictures. Three of my top five search terms are for Bandit! Now you’re probably asking yourself, how “missing half of face” could possibly be attributed to Bandit?
I’m glad you asked; I wondered the same thing. My request to Mr. Google left me scratching my head. Nothing related to my blog, and I wasn’t about to scan several pages of people missing half their face to find out why. Tagging “ivfmale” onto the end made it clear why this person found me.
In my post The Cock-tese I talked about Bandit being half Cocker Spaniel and half Maltese. Then pointed out the adorable face and stated he was missing his momma since we just picked him up from the breeder.
Even while looking at the grotesqueness of people with only half a face, Bandit snatched them away to look at cute adorable puppy pictures!
Further down the list we have…
— male nut cursher
Quit being sexist. A female can cursh nuts as well as any male can. What is a nut cursher anyway?
— ivf “calling in sick”
Go right ahead.
— punishment needle
— i gave my wife a needle injection as afun
I bet you both have no problems procreating…but you still need to seek help!
— 4dp3dt and lots of cm
STOP! STOP! STOP! The ups and downs are bad enough from the doctor, quit adding to it. I understand if checking your cm now brings you comfort from doing it so often…but lay off googling about it. You can pee on a stick in a few more days. GOOD LUCK!
— male hospital exam funny stories
Have you heard the one about getting a testicle and prostate exam from a urologist while the wife watches?
Struggling with how to tell your girlfriend you suffer from male factor infertility? Unsure how to bring up the topic in conversation? Scared how she will react to the news? Or just tired of being asked to wear a condom to avoid pregnancy, when you know it isn’t doing a god damn thing?
Introducing MFI Condoms!
Picture the scene. An intimate evening, together in each others arms. She whispers in your ear, “Put on a condom.” Choose a MFI Condom and watch the magic happen!
Scientifically designed so the tip tears open, allowing you to enjoy the moment as nature intended. When finished, discretely dispose of the condom. If she notices the condom broke, calmly explain there is no risk of pregnancy because of your male factor infertility. Then watch her rejoice in your ability to shoot blanks!
- Using MFI Condoms orally may result in the end of your relationship.
- Not intended to prevent HIV or STD’s.
- Only use spermicide with MFI Condoms if you plan on blaming it for the condom breaking. You’re infertile, you don’t need spermicide!
- Do not use if either you or your partner is allergic to latex. We do carry a non-latex product at double the price.
- Do not try blowing up MFI Condoms using air or water. Hand it to your buddy and watch it pop in his face.
- Ask your doctor if you are healthy enough for sexual activity
- If an erection lasts longer that 4 hours, seek medical attention.
- Ivfmale Inc. is not responsible if you are caught because you were stupid enough not to hide the wrapper with the warning label “This Product does not prevent pregnancy.” The FDA makes us put that warning on the wrapper. That’s what the blank stickers provided were for.
- Shameless plug for Dpchallenge.
- Results may vary. Some women be crazy.
- Product was not intended to be used by women to trick fertile men into getting them pregnant.
- If pregnancy does result from use of product. First get a DNA test to make sure the baby is yours! If results are positive, cherish that miracle everyday, because you likely will not get another one.
Get your woman to celebrate your male factor infertility. Ask your doctor about MFI Condoms!
Available only by prescription.
For a limited time only. Free IQ test with each refill order.