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Beach Bandit
Can we go play ball in the tennis courts?
Sorry Bandit. Tennis courts are now off limits.
GRRRR WHY?
Some control freak who likes to suck the joy out of life would rather see the tennis courts remain empty and unused than allow pets inside to play.
How about we go to the beach?
What can we do at the beach?
Let’s go and find out.
We’re here…now what?
You can play in the sand.
How do I get this crap off my nose?
You can dig holes until your heart is content.
How about I dig a hole so Mom can fall in it?
You can chase after people.
I’m coming after you!
You can enjoy the ocean view.
That’s nice.
You can play in the water.
I don’t think so!
You can collect seashells.
People actually collect these?
You can scout the babes.
The only babe I see is Mom.
You can stalk the birds.
If you unhook this leash I might be able to catch one.
So what do you think?
Alright. I’ll admit the beach is pretty fun.
Let’s go home.
That was fun, when can we go again?
We’ll go again soon, but now we must clean you up.
SON OF A…
Don’t worry, all the sand in your fur will soon be gone.
Must you photograph me in the tub?
All done buddy. Let’s get you dried off.
About time!
Glad Mom has this old hair dryer.
Are you seriously going to leave my hair looking like this?
Sorry, Mom’s the hairdresser, not I.
Half-baked Bandit
“Bandit! I need to talk to you about your addiction problem.”
What addiction problem?
“We need to talk about your addiction to grass.”
Are you serious?
“I am serious. I’m worried about what this addiction is doing to you.”
You’ve got no proof.
I’m taking a nap.
“Oh, but I do have proof. How do you explain this?”
I’m just laying in the grass.
No big deal.
“Okay, but what about a few seconds later?”
It got stuck on my chin.
Not my fault.
“What about this?”
Something smelled funny.
I was checking it out.
“And this?”
That’s just trick lighting effects.
“Quit denying your problem!”
What do you care?
A little grass never hurt anybody!
Some studies say it has positive effects.
“I’m not saying it will hurt you. Just that you might not like how you look when you’re on grass.”
What do you mean?
Hey! You can’t show that!
That’s PRIVATE!
“I tried to warn you about your grass addiction.”
You can’t do this to me.
You’re ruining my life!
“No I’m not. Chicks love these photos.”
Shooting the Bandit
Snoring on the center console.
“Is that comfortable Bandit?”
“You’re just too cute!!! Come here buddy.”
“I’ve got a puppy dog with FLUFFY FLOPPY EARS.”
“You don’t like me playing with your ears, but I can’t help it…they’re just soooo FFFFLUUUUFFFFFYYYY!”
Leave me alone!
“I’m sorry. I’ll let you sleep”
…
…
…
“Well that wasn’t long. You wanna play?”
“Grrrrrr, Hahaha.”
“OUCH! Hey, my fingers are not chew toys buddy.”
“OOOOOUCH! What? You need to go outside? Okay, let’s go outside.”
“Will you stop a minute? I need to put your leash on. Come here! Good boy!”
“Good job walking down the steps Bandit; you’re getting the hang of it.”
“Get busy.”
“Good boy! Here is your treat.”
It is a bird.
It is a plane.
It is Super Bandit.
Ignoring the fact he is lying in the grass.
“It’s Super Bandit!”
“Hold on…let me get a picture.”
“Awe.”
“One more…oh you’re done playing Super Bandit.”
“I know! Let’s go this way. We can probably get some good pictures on the grassy hill.”
“BANDIT, FOLLOW.”
“Good boy.”
“Heel.”
“Heel.”
“Stay with me buddy.”
“This will be a good spot.”
“Sit…Stay!”
“Perfect. One, two…” Click
Where is my treat?
“No buddy, you don’t get a treat yet.”
“Get back there. Sit! Stay!”
“Very Good.” Click
Oh Look.
Dogshit!
“Ignore the crap Bandit.”
“Sit! Look over here.”
Click
What’s that noise?
“Bandit. Look over here buddy.” Click
I really want that dogshit.
“BANDIT NO! Leave that alone!”
“Come back here.”
“Sit! Stay!” Click
CHOMP!
“BANDIT NO!!! GROSS!”
“BAD DOG! BAD DOG! SPIT IT OUT NOW! SPIT IT OUUUT!”
“GET AWAY FROM IT!”
“IT’S BAD ENOUGH I HAVE TO CLEAN UP YOUR MESS! I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO CLEAN UP OTHER DOGS MESSES JUST SO YOU WON’T EAT IT!”
“All gone! Now sit!”
“Stay.” Click
Whine
“I’m sorry I yelled at you buddy.”
“But you really must stop eating that. It’s gross and you’ll catch worms.”
“Come here Bandit. Yes. I love you buddy.”
“No, you’re not licking my face right now.”
“Let’s try again.”
“Sit! Stay!” Click
Where did the dogshit go?
“It’s all gone bud!”
“I’m starting to think this is a hopeless cause.”
“Last attempt and then we will go get something to eat…okay?”
“Love you too pups.”
“Sit!”
Click
Did you say food?
“BULLSEYE!”
IVF male 