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Dear Ivfmale, POAS poems?

This week looks like a bust. Not much on the search engine list of note. A new one for “DPchallenge” since I’ve started participating in the Daily Post Challenge for fun. But I must admit, “Daily Post” is not what comes to mind when I think of DPchallenge. Probably what caught my attention in the first place.

I also had one person looking for “IVF poetry” that caught my attention. I have been in a poetic mood as of late. I’ve found it very therapeutic in expressing emotions that I’m struggling with. I’ll be doing more of it to be sure, but poetry should also be about helping others. I’m interested in writing poems on topics that are normally overlooked.

I haven’t seen much poetry dealing with peeing on a stick (POAS). Barrenart has a lovely one called Pink that touches on the subject. But nothing on the addiction that is afflicting the infertile community.

For inspiration I turned to self-confessed POAS addict and good online friend Belle from Scrambled-Eggs, and her post on Tuesday about her latest experience with POAS.
I already made sure she wasn’t offended by the poem. 😉 She loved it! 😀

A P.O.A.S. Story

By Matthew Wanner

Who is this Chick?
Her name is Belle.
If life is a journey.
She has been through hell.

Belle has an addiction.
One you may not see.
She will purchase a stick,
and on it pee, pee, pee.

She pees in the morning.
When she knows it’s best.
But she will also pee at night.
Just to get some rest.

These sticks aren’t cheap,
they cost quite a lot.
When the bill will arrive,
the Professor will be hot.

But what can he do,
she is the love of his life.
He said those magic words,
that made her his wife.

Then something happened,
as Belle was peeing with glee.
A hint of a line,
one she could barely see.

She called the Professor,
begged him to come quick.
“Do you see a line?”
And showed him the stick.

“I think I do.”
he proudly exclaimed.
Agreeing to caution.
Excitement should be contained.

Belle continued to pee,
until her hearts delight.
Buying fresh sticks,
to pee on day and night.

She wanted to be sure.
A line everyone could see.
She would be a Mom.
Announcing her BFP!

© copyright 2011-2012

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What does that mean?

The interesting thing about being the male partner going through fertility testing, is you are not the patient. The female is the patient. Well that is the reason the clinic gives for calling my wife with the test results of MY semen analysis instead of me. Basically I’m just an ejaculation machine, well don’t I feel special. The problem is that leaves me asking second hand questions that I know my wife doesn’t know the answer too, but I end up asking anyway because I’m not thinking in those terms.

Wife: “The doctor called and said your sperm count was very low. They want you to call and schedule another test.”

Me: “Very low…What does that mean?”

Wife: “I don’t know baby, they just said it was very low.”

Now after taking the test I did some research on what they are looking for in the sample I provided so I would not be in the dark when the results came back. I know they are expecting a sperm count of 20 million or more per milliliter. They check the motility (are they moving forward and at an active pace) expecting 50% or above. They check the morphology by checking 200 sperm and noting any defects they might have. Then they also check pH levels and white blood counts. Basically the test is more than just quantity, but also quality and concentration levels. Just saying a sperm count is low could mean any number of things. Then they had to qualify it with the word “very”. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

I called the clinic to rekindle my affair with the folding chair in the bathroom, and to get some answers.

Nurse: “The good news is your pH level and white blood counts are normal. The motility is normal at 50%. The bad news is they only found 4.”

Me: “4 what? 4 million, 4 thousand, 4…”

Nurse: “No, just 4 period. Only 2 that were actively moving”

Me: “…”

Me: “…”

Me: “…”

Nurse: “Sir?”

Me: “Is this because I masturbated too much as a teenager. I worked very hard proving it does not make you go blind.”

Nurse: “No sir, we just need you to come in for another test in a couple weeks. One test doesn’t not prove anything.”

So I’m off to see if I can duplicate my amazing feat of firing it into a cup once again.

© copyright 2011-2012