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Who NEEDS to know?

I am blessed with strong healthy teeth. They were very crooked before braces, but always healthy. I didn’t even have a cavity until I was over 30 years old. Basically the dental checkup for me is usually just an in and out procedure. There is no fear of going and I enjoy walking out with smooth polished teeth.

My wife however takes better care of her teeth than I do mine and is always having problems. My Mother is fighting to keep the few remaining teeth she has, while my Father only has a couple of cavities and still has all his teeth. I understand the importance of genetics in oral health care.

Today as I sat in the chair for my 6 month cleaning, the hygienist asks me for changes in my health history. I am sure she asked me last visit, but I wasn’t telling anyone about my infertility 6 months ago. Besides our clinic and my Wife, only my Father and Boss knew about my infertility. Now I am pretty open. All my family and close friends know my situation. Yet I still clammed up when faced with the opportunity to tell someone in person my story.

“No” was my answer and she asks if I have any children. “No.”

Now I’m dreading going to the dentist (or any specialist doctor) for reasons that have nothing to do with my teeth. I don’t see why my Dentist needs to know I’m firing blanks? Besides having two testicles and two eyes, what correlation will my Eye Doctor glean by divulging my busted family jewels? Does the sleep specialist really need to hear I’m firing missiles without a payload?

If I was currently taking some medication for the condition, sure I would tell them. They’re the experts and are more aware of what compounds have side effect relating to their specialty. But I’m not. The way I see it, my health hasn’t changed. I’ve always been this way. Sure I’ve just recently discovered it, but does my Dentist need to know?

Relieved that she avoided asking if I planned on having children, I then listen to her talk about an Elf on the Shelf that she must hide in a different place every night for her 6 year old daughter. Fuck!

Since I found out the true nature of Santa, I’ve always wanted to be a part of the magic. When I was 12 I begged my Mother to let me help set up the Santa display for my little sister. My proposal was rejected and told I could play Santa with my own kids. The irony!

Luckily the process of giving my wife injections allowed me to develop an ability to be indifferent on call. I crank that knob to 11 and ask basic questions to feign conversation. I laugh at the fact her daughter noticed twice already when the Elf didn’t change it’s location forcing them to create a cover story.  Of course the doll and clothes are overpriced, but it’s such a fun activity I would love to spend the money on something like Elf on the Shelf. Maybe expand on the concept by placing a candy cane in his hands after a day of good behavior.

The hygienist then mentions her children that are in their 30’s. Okay. Late in life oops? Pile it on bitch, you’re not getting a tear out of me today!

Nope, an unplanned adoption. They found out some little girl would spend the rest of her life in foster care and decided to adopt her.

CRAP! She is fertile and blessed with an unplanned easy adoption. Now I’m wanting to ask questions about how that came about. The idea of adoption has been growing on me, but the horror stories of people spending all that money and still ending up empty handed scares me. The roller coaster ride trying for a biological child was hard enough. Riding it again for an adoption, no thank you.

However, if there was a way to keep my eyes open for an opportunity like the hygienist had, I’m interested.

Once again my fear of looking stupid gets in my way.

I guess I could have asked about the subject without disclosing my infertility. But my fear was asking questions about her adoption would lead to talking about my infertility problem…and I already avoided telling her about this health issue. Was I supposed to conveniently forget about my infertility when she asked earlier?

I walked away feeling this dental visit was a complete disaster with smooth shiny teeth, healthy gums and no cavities.

I hate infertility!

© copyright 2011-2012

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Reality award

I’ve been nominated for the Reality Blog Award courtesy of  madoqua. If you haven’t visited his blog yet, please take a moment and check it out. Wonderful stories about the places he’s visited with some amazing photographs. He almost always includes a little tidbit of inside information which makes me feel like I’m right there along for the ride.

Some samples of his work…

http://madoqua.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/sunrise.jpghttp://madoqua.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/giraffe.jpg

A big thanks to madoqua for  the Reality Award nomination. I am truly honored.

There are a lot of misconceptions infertile’s are facing. And part of the reason they continue to exist is the lack of a dialogue about infertility. Because it’s so painful for us. To be looked at as less than a man or woman because we’re unable to have a child.  Suffering ridiculous suggestions by others, knowing you’ve done things 10 times more ridiculous hoping for parenthood. Dealing with our own demons every time someone announces a pregnancy. All the while being subjected to questions on why we’re still childless. We hide our infertility to protect ourselves. And that’s okay. I certainly don’t begrudge anyone for staying in the shadows.

But this is why these misconceptions continue. Before I found out I was infertile, I associated the IVF procedure as something celebrities and rich people did to have children. Never considered it could be one of my neighbors.  I remember thinking how sad two married college professors chose never to have children. Never occurred to me that maybe they couldn’t.

Our stories need to be heard so others might understand. In order for Infertility Awareness to occur, there must be a discussion. Before one side can listen, the other must speak.

That is my hope for this blog. If I can keep this blog interesting for those not dealing with infertility, maybe something good can be accomplished. If I can reach those still in the shadows and support them in their journey, then this is all worth it.

We are your neighbors, your coworkers, your friends and maybe even your family…and we suffer in silence.

——————-

Onto the questions.

If you could change something what would you change?

It’s still wishing I enjoyed exercise.

If you could relive one day, when would it be?

The last time I visited my paternal Grandmother so I could remember her. I was a small child when she passed away. I remember my mother trying to explain to me what death was and that she died…but I don’t remember her.

What’s one thing that really scares you?

Idiots, they’re everywhere…even the mirror!

What one dream have you not completed yet and do you think you will be able to complete it?

Duh? As far as will I be able to complete it…I just don’t know. More interested in moving on with life while keeping my options open. And supporting others during their struggle.

If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be?

Still would be my RE to grant us a free cycle of IVF.

———–

I would like to nominate the following bloggers for this award.

http://1suburbanchic.wordpress.com/
For her ability to reflect on her own viewpoint reminds me to keep an open mind. It’s okay to have an opinion, but it’s healthy to challenge yourself and listen to others.

http://diannegray.wordpress.com/
For reminding me I still have other dreams to strive for.  That dreams are achieved through hard work. I wish nothing but the best on her dream of being a full time writer.

http://scrambled-eggs.org/
For her magic ability to make me laugh and cry at the same time. Her candid posts touching on her own insecurities, fears, joys and heartbreak are always worth reading.

http://www.theonehandman.co.uk/
For being candid and open about his own infertility journey. He gives an inside look into the adoption process in the U.K. Exposing how adoption is not as simple as going to “Kids R Us” and picking one out. All the while finding the humor to be had along the way.

http://infertileginger.wordpress.com/
The reality is we have men and women serving our country that protect our freedoms, liberties and families. Yet if they suffer from infertility, there is no assistance to help them attempt a family of their own. Her letter to the First Lady is a reminder of the fight ahead of us against the concept that IVF is an “elective procedure.” I’d like to take this time to thank both Mr. and Mrs Ginger for their service to our country. As well as all the men, women and their families in the military. Thank you!

© copyright 2011-2012